Until DEATH do us part!
So several of our friends have been making wedding annoucements and plans to get married. One friend even told Tony that “the pressure was on” for him to ask for my hand in marriage. However, last night after sitting with newlyweds Carmen and Shibu, I’m glad that we’re waiting until next year to tie the knot.
Marriage is for grown folks and it is not a committment to be entered into lightly. Marriage is not for those with weak wills or weaker stomachs. It is not ladened with all of the religious bullshit that folks spoon feed us. Although it is magical and sacred and fairytale-ish, it is also a business and a selfless act. Marriage requires submitting to your partner for the greater good of your marriage and the souls that you affect. While it does not require us to sacrifice our individuality, it does make us look at our partners as extensions of ourselves — as our very own limbs.
Tony is my heartbeat.
He is the muscle in my arms and legs.
He is the iris that pulls in light for me to see with better clarity.
He is as much of me without having a vagina that I can imagine.
Lately, we have been openly discussing our commonalities and our dreams and our goals for the next five, ten and twenty years. We have also been uniting our personal finances and releasing ourselves from hindrances in our past that could be problematic for our future. I used to be critical of my boy Marvin’s desire to wait so long to marry my girl Corisa. However, when I look at the absolute bliss that they are experiencing because they planned out their future while enjoying their present, I have to give him a head nod in respect.
While there are lots of obstacles that attempt to destroy marriages, not having your money, ideals, and goals in the same box can make it even harder. Get on the same page people! Don’t strap yourselves to relationships that have no CLEAR goals. If you’re dating just to date, cool. But, if you have an expected next step, be honest with your partner (and yourself).
Since information is free, as it relates to money consider the following pyramid and book below to get you started:
Personal Finance for Dummies by Eric Tyson
These tools are only a few of the pieces that are sealing Tony and me closer together. Shibu said last night, “I want to be encircled with friends that are prospering and doing well. No one wants to be the only guy succeeding”. He then proceeded to offer us tools to join him and his wife in the climb to the top. Slow and steady wins the race. I hope to see each of you there.
Jose & Allison, Christina & David, and Que & Will blessings to each of you as you step into wedded bliss! Tony and I will join you in the ranks next year. May you be rewarded with an overflow of success. My dear friends reading this blog, may you inherent the same thing.
Yo Gurl,
~phoenix
La Shaun phoenix Moore 
I love that you are blogging Phoenix. I am reading what you have shared about marriage, especially after watching the movie “Why Did I Get Married Too…” and simply talking “good relationship jargon” with loved ones. Wonderful insight. Appreciate Ya. TC
here’s my two cents.
look at him and ask yourself
would you dismantle your living room,
get rid of all of your favorite dishes and switch to paper and plastic and sippy cups
change his diaper
and change his wound after an invasive operation.
if you answered yes.
then do it.
if you answerd no then no financial plan can prepare you for marriage.
its a caretaker situation. an enmeshment so severe that you wont know where his head and your ass end and begin.
if you’re to the point that you understand
and he understands
that shady pines is the loneliest place without someone cool to hang out with
then do it.
but if you dont want to clip his toenails,
then don’t. because thats marriage too.
bad backs, lost glasses and slipped disk’s
as well as
the good times :).
your spouse is not just a spouse, he or she has power of atty over you if you are incapciated.
my x-husband tried to trick me into taking over his car note while i was on a medical leave. yeah. thats what i said.
but the men i’ve loved since then, have understood that at the end of the day,
i need care, patience, and yarn.
i knwo a man right now who tried to buy me yarn for christmas. he said he stood in the yarn aisle and ‘there were sooooooo many kinds and colors o man i didnt know what to do’
so he bought me a gift card. but really , the story of how he tried, was good enough.
waiting
a year is fine
two is fine
but anytime is good when you agree to care for each other.
my one coworker said her exhusband still handled lawn care for her home, and still called her his wife.
and she would let him stay over when her daughter insisted on spending time with her father over night to watch tv or if she was sick.
thats a marriage too.
a marriage
is about continual care and love. regardless of the paper.
great blog.
peace >*<
Now you understand the term ‘Reclaimed’. I am proud of you both – and I love ya’ll. and I’ll be whereseneva it is, on whassaneva da date.
Ya know I’ve always wondered why people are so anxious to jump into marriage. Love is something that can move mountains and cause people to walk on water, but I find that it’s not enough to simply sustain something long term.
I can only speak for myself, having been a relationship for 5 years only to have it come crashing down. I see my friends dating people and moving in with folks after a month and talking marriage. I never say anything, but I worry.
I understand the feeling of wanting to be with someone forever, but there’s a lot more that has to be considered. Marriage isn’t the latest fashion. It doesn’t have to be purchased so soon.
I hope these people aren’t using the “God” clause as an excuse to marry, because if that was the case they wouldn’t be living together in the first place. Marvin and Risa did it wonderfully. Like Jill Scott said,”relationships (path to marriage) should be a long walk, not a quick sprint.”
Ty, I absolutely LOOOOVE your comment! There is some straight up meat in there!!! Thanks so much for sharing!
~phoenix